Gem Outage Resolved Poetically

Filed under: Readers’ Gems,Site News; in the year 2013, on th 4th day of November at 9:04 am

On Friday, I made a quick change to the site to redirect visitors to the non-existent /gems/ directory to somewhere more useful. I checked it was working, and went off to enjoy my weekend; not (alas) in the “bonnie highlands floral”, but in the not quite so salubrious surroundings of Milton Keynes. Imagine my dismay as I returned to this email from alert reader Simon Levene:

Dear Mr Hunt, I see with no delight
That a celebrated McGonagall ballad has vanished from your site;
When I click on the link to find the “Fall of Coomassie”
I find that your webmaster must have fatally damaged his chassis,
Because although links to this poem are scattered thickly on the ground
A cruel error message says bluntly “Page not Found.”
Unless you can help me, the outcome of this situation will be far from funny –
I shall have to go and buy my own copy of the Great Man’s ballads, with my own money.

In fact, not only had my “fix” blocked access to the Fall of Coomassie, but to all the other gems as well! Fortunately, I immediately realised where I had gone wrong, and was soon able to put things right. A reply was sent to Mr Levene:

It’s worse than that! I know you will be shocked
To learn that access to each of the poetic gems was blocked.
It was due to my own hasty actions that the site was accidentally nixed
But thanks to your tip-off it has now all been fixed.
May your weekend continue happy and serene,
And without having to part with any notes bearing the image of Her Majesty the Queen.

An acknowlegement followed soon after:

Dear Mr Hunt, before you can say “Michael Finnegan”
The works of the Great Tragedian are filling up my screen again,
And this is a matter of great rejoicing down south, as you know
Because we have been having to make do with the works of Keats, Shelley, Wordsworth, T.S. Eliot and Co.
So although such laborious work must have interfered with your enjoyment of the Sabbath day
The Great Man’s followers all send you a heartfelt “Hooray!”

So the moral of this story, for me, is not to make major changes to the site on a Friday afternoon without properly testing the results. My thanks to Simon for pointing out the problem so promptly (and wittily). If you spot any issues on the site, please don’t hesitate to get in touch, whether or not you do so in verse!

Topaz – McGonagall on Radio 4

Filed under: Media,News; in the year 2013, on th 30th day of October at 12:25 am

A radio play based on an episode of the poet’s life was broadcast on BBC Radio 4 on Saturday. Written by Lucy Gannon, and starring Dundee-born actor and film star Brian Cox as the great man, Topaz was a dramatic recreation of the famous trip to Balmoral.

The play is pretty free in mixing up elements of McGonagall’s life, and in inventing entirely new ones, in order to make a more engaging story. Most notably, in this version of events, he actually gets to meet Queen Victoria at the end of his journey! I suppose McGonagall purists (if such people exist) might take umbrage at this, but as evidence suggests that William wasn’t above embellishing his life story for dramatic effect, we can hardly chide Ms Gannon for doing the same.

If you’re quick, you can still listen to the play on the BBC iPlayer – it’s available until Saturday 2nd November. You can also read a review of it in The Stage.

McGonagall in the Lecture Hall

Filed under: Education; in the year 2013, on th 22nd day of October at 11:35 pm

Jason Blake, in an article on the Better Living Though Beowulf blog, describes how he uses McGonagall’s most (in)famous work in his English classes at the University of Ljubljana. Needless to say, he doesn’t present it as an example of high art – the article is entitled The Worst Poem Ever Published – but as “a perfect guide to what a poem should not be.”

Blake’s students are asked to identify the worst lines of the The Tay Bridge Disaster and explain what is wrong with them – a task which elicits “at least a dozen different and creative answers.” It sounds like a great class – no wonder they’re disappointed to hear that he won’t be featuring in the exam.

I would personally take issue with the “worst poem” label though. Whilst it breaks every rule in the poetical book (and more besides), we’re still reading and enjoying this poem 130 years after it was written. How many “good” poems can say that? Give me McGonagall’s inspired incompetence over his worthy-but-dull contemporaries any time!

 

Two Early Articles

Filed under: Site News; in the year 2013, on th 22nd day of August at 8:36 pm

For the quarter-century following the arrival of the “gift of poetry”, William McGonagall was probably the world’s best documented unemployed hand loom weaver. His exploits were a regular feature in the local newspapers, giving a vivid picture of his career as a would-be poet.

But before 1877, his life is shrouded in a darkness pierced only by the odd official document, a couple of press mentions, and McGonagall’s own unreliable autobiographies. So anything that casts light on any part of the “McGonagall Dark Ages” is to be welcomed – and I’m glad to be able to light a couple of candles to that affect today.

Professor Kirstie Blair of Stirling University is a well-known scholar in the field of Victorian poetry with particular interests in working-class poets. She’s currently engaged in research for a project on Victorian Scottish poets,particularly the poetry columns in the newspapers. That means poring through mountains of old newspapers – 20 years worth of the People’s Journal, for example – in the course of which she has uncovered a couple of hitherto undiscovered mentions (one possible, one definite) of our favourite bard. As a result, she’s kindly contributed two articles to the site:

My thanks go to Kirstie for taking the time and trouble to share her discoveries like this.

Obey McGonagall

Filed under: Events,News; in the year 2013, on th 8th day of August at 7:58 pm

Now playing at the Cabaret Voltaire in Edinburgh is a one-man show by American comedian Harmon Leon celebrating the career of our favourite bad bard.

Obey McGonagall is on every night between now and 24th August starting at 8:50pm. It’s part of the Free Fringe, which means tickets are free – but you’re invited to make a donation after the show. If you’re lucky enough to be in Edinburgh this month, I hope you’ll give this show your support.

Wimbledon Epilogue

Filed under: Readers’ Gems; in the year 2013, on th 15th day of July at 12:44 am

Stephen Midgley writes with a few lines to bring his previous Lines in Praise of the Wimbledon Championships up to date with recent developments:

Epilogue to Lines in Praise of Wimbledon

The foregoing words were penned by McGonagall
In the year 2012, and in good faith all,
But the poet thought not that they’d soon be outdated
By an event that the British had for so long awaited.

For the very next summer, as if in reply,
Did Scot Andy Murray, in the month of July,
Win the men’s tournament with brilliant play
And in heroic manner, which no one dare gainsay.

For in the final he played against Djokovic, the Serb,
Who in vain tried the Scotsman’s great skills for to curb,
And when Andy hit the winning shot with his racket
The hearts of the British onlookers were ecstatic.

Then the crowds acclaimed loudly his triumph most brave
While fans and politicians their flags high did wave,
And so the new champion won glory and fame
Which were richly deserved by the man from Dunblane.

Lamentations Online

Filed under: Site News; in the year 2013, on th 2nd day of July at 1:12 pm

In 1885, a 16-page booklet appeared for sale in the streets of Dundee entitled The Book of the Lamentations of Poet Macgonagall. This slim volume, “dedicated to himself knowing none greater,” told – in his own words – of the poet’s struggles to achieve the fame he felt he deserved.

It was a complete hoax.

The true author was a man called John Willock, local agent for Levers Soap and Vice-President of the Dundee Burns Society. Taking an interest in the rather lower reaches of the poetic food chain, he printed 300 copies of his McGonagall “autobiography” and sold them for sixpence a copy.

If Willocks may have hoped that his orotund Latin-studded hatchet job would go over the head of an uneducated handloom weaver, so he’d be unaware of the calumnies that were being heaped upon him. If so, he had badly underestimated his man. McGonagall realised exactly what was going on, and was furious about it. A solicitor’s letter was sent threatening legal action – and Willocks swiftly withdrew the booklet from sale and penned this letter of apology:

So why have I published the Lamentations in the Life section of this website?

Well, if you ignore the gratuitous insults to the poet’s parents (probably motivated by the widespread and casual prejudice against Irish immigrants), and dial back the self-regarding bombast just a little, what you’re left with is not all that far from one of McGonagall’s genuine autobiographies.

The coming of the gift of poetry and the trips to Balmoral and London are described broadly in line with McGonagall’s own later accounts. The unsuccessful concert in the Thistle Hall (paired, incidentally, with a brilliant parody of The Burial of Sir John Moore at Corunna) is in line with a contemporary press report of the event. I’ve yet to track down any corroborating account of the second concert at Lochee, but it sounds entirely plausible.

Much of this information could probably have been gleaned by a careful combing of the Dundee newspaper archives, but why would a man who was quite prepared to lie about his subject go to all the bother of doing so?

Surely it’s more likely that such a detailed knowledge of the poet’s life and career originated from the man himself. Willocks interviewed McGonagall about his life, either with a hidden objective or with a view to producing an “autobiography” as a joint venture (modern celebrities aren’t alone in engaging ghost writers!). Only after McGonagall had seen the end result did the two men fall out.

For that reason, there’s something for the student of McGonagalia to learn from the Lamentations, and that’s why it’s filed alongside the genuine autobiographies.

John Willocks retained an ambivalent attitude to McGonagall. On the one hand, he must have been involved in comissioning him to write about Sunlight Soap; on the other, once William was safely in his grave, he re-published an expanded and even more insulting version of Lamentations. Whether I publish that version remains to be seen.

My thanks to reader Duncan Soutar for scanning and sending me a copy of Lamentations and the above letter from Willocks.

On the Memorable Events of Tuesday 26th June 2013

Filed under: Readers’ Gems; in the year 2013, on th 30th day of June at 8:38 pm

Tom Mc Rae, a reader from “down under” with quite a hoard of gems to his name already, writes with a politically inspired one:

This morning I am in deep trouble, you may have heard that Julia Gillard has been deposed as our PM. I had thought I was free of the spirit of World’s best bad poet and poet laureate of the Temperance Movement, William McGonagall but he has just channeled, me from his flying saucer residence on the moon’s dark side. I am commanded to put his commemorative “poem” on record.

On the Memorable Events of Tuesday 26th June 2013

Of glorious joy I do not lack,
For Julia’s gone and Kevin’s back.
Overthrown by 47 votes to 55, nothing sinister,
Kev is now holding the reins again as Australia’s Prime Minister.
In trying the discontent in Labor ranks to halt,
’Twas she who called the ballot so it was her own fault.
That when she had assembled the Labor host,
Kevin won the ballot and Julia Gillard lost.
But courageous Julia did not in despair retreat,
On the contrary she with great honour accepted her defeat.
And without any bitterness or display of frown,
Our first female Prime Minister gracefully stepped down.
Then somewhat later, without any offence,
Kevin Rudd gave his first press conference.
Presented for all to see throughout the nation,
On every Australian TV station.
He praised Julia’s achievements then stated without any cynicism,
That he wanted to save Australia from Tony Abbot’s negativism.
As Julia rides into the sunset,
I can say without regret.
At least now we will not be exposed to cartoons sickening,
That slander her, all drawn by the vile Larry Pickering.
And let us all now hail with joy,
Kevin Rudd, PM, Queensland’s very own Boy.
I pray he will rescue Australia from great furies,
By closing down all pubs, wineries, and breweries
But, remember, there were TWO events I stated,
The other? Let it be related,
That Queensland won two victories bright,
By beating Victoria and New South Wales in a single night.
Both those states were forced to yield,
One at Canberra the other on Lang Park footy field.
So I hail 26th June 2013 as I conclude my rhyme.
A date that will be remembered for a very long time!

Animated McGonagall

Filed under: News; in the year 2013, on th 25th day of June at 12:00 am

While we wait for the McGonagall Movie, reader “Eugene Cheese” has been working on an animated version of the great man. I don’t think Pixar will be quaking in their boots just yet, but feast your eyes on the pixelated poet narrating the opening passage to his autobiography:

Lieder Article

Filed under: Media,News; in the year 2013, on th 24th day of June at 11:53 am

A recording of Robert Zuidam’s McGonagall-Lieder, mentioned on this site a couple of months ago, has received a short review in The Independent. The reviewer is impressed with

the success of his setting of McGonagall’s two signature works, without stooping to ridicule beyond a subtly bathetic momentum of marimba […] The coloratura soprano Katrien Baerts conveys the hysterical jubilation with which the poet first acclaims the new Tay Bridge, then laments its collapse

You can read the full review here.

STOP PRESS: A rather longer review has appeared in The Guardian.

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